Matt's Story

Matt and our family battled his addiction for nearly 10 years. I've spent countless hours reflecting on Matt's life, trying to determine when and how it all began and if there was anything more we could have done to save him. Matt was a typical All-American boy next door… he was bright, did well in school, was an excellent athlete, had lots of good friends, and grew up in a stable home with a mother, father, and brother who adored him. He was very outgoing and fun-loving. He was witty with a terrific sense of humor… he was voted Most Humorous in the Neshaminy High School Class of '99. But I'm convinced that he was predisposed to addiction. He lived for the moment without too much consideration for consequences… which was both his blessing and his curse. He was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder when he was 12 years old and put on a prescription of Ritalin which was later switched to Adderol. I know now that this contributed to his addictive tendency…mood altering drugs are triggers for those who are at risk for addiction.

I believe Matt began experimenting with drugs in his early teens and over the next 3 or 4 years he progressed from marijuana to pain pills to cocaine and finally to heroin. He confided in us once that the first time he used heroin he didn't know what it was. As soon as he used it, he knew it was different than anything he had tried before and in that moment he knew it would be a lifelong battle. He said that if he had one moment to live over in his life, it would be that moment and he would never have done it. Drug abuse changes a child's behavior and personality; it is very expensive and becomes more and more so as the addiction progresses. Parents need to be aware of mood swings, changes in behavior patterns, and unexplained disappearance of money and possibly even items of value from the home. Drugs turn open, honest children into masterful manipulators that are forced to lie and steal to support their addiction. They have terrible guilt feelings for what they are doing to their families which only serves to send them further over the edge. They don't lie to hurt their family… they lie, literally, to save themselves.

No one plans to become a drug addict. Matt thought he could use drugs recreationally during his teenage years and then go on to college, a career, marriage, and children… he had the same dreams and aspirations that most young people have. Although the addiction made our son streetwise when it came to buying and using drugs, in many ways he remained a sweet, innocent, fun-loving kid with childlike enthusiasm for life. He wanted desperately to kick his addiction and he certainly didn't want to die. But the addiction had him in its grip and wouldn't let go no matter how hard he fought against it. Many people do not understand that addiction is truly a disease of the brain. Research has proven that an addicted person's limbic system craves the drug as it craves food or water. Without a dose of the drug, dopamine levels in the drug abuser's brain are low causing the addict to feel flat, lifeless, depressed. Without drugs, the addict's life seems joyless and he needs drugs just to bring dopamine up to normal levels. Larger amounts of the drug are needed to create a dopamine flood or high, an effect known as tolerance. . Drug abuse and addiction lead to long-term changes in the brain. It is not a matter of will power, these changes in the brain cause addicted drug users to lose the ability to control their drug use.

We researched every possible "cure" we could find for Matt and tried them all. Early on he went to an inpatient rehabilitation facility in Connecticut but relapsed almost immediately after coming home. He attended two different outpatient rehabilitation programs. He had a Naltraxone pellet implanted in his arm. He was put on a prescription of Suboxone. He attended Narcotics Anonymous meetings. None of these worked for very long.

Then he entered a Methadone maintenance program and for a year and a half he did stop using heroin. He was 18 at the time and we were told he was the youngest person ever accepted into the program. But it certainly wasn't an ideal alternative… he had to drive 30 minutes each way every single morning to receive his dose and within an hour of taking it, he literally could not stay awake which made it impossible for him to live a normal life… but it was better than the alternative so he stuck with it for as long as he could. But once he went off Methadone it was just a matter of time before he went back to heroin.

We almost lost Matt to an overdose once before. He was still living at home at the time and was up in his room watching TV. Suddenly we heard a crash and when we ran upstairs and opened his door we found him lying unconscious on the floor with the needle still in his arm. We called 911 and are grateful that the police and EMTs responded quickly and saved his life. But I am sorry to report that when the police officers, EMTs and even some of the doctors at the hospital realized Matt was an intravenous drug user, their whole attitude changed… they seemed to have no use for him and treated him as if he wasn't worth their time. It was so hurtful and infuriating for us as parents to see him subjected to that kind of prejudice when we knew first hand how much he wanted to be well. On the other hand, some of the nurses and the social worker at the hospital were truly wonderful. The social worker bent over backwards to try to get him the help he needed - and Matt was so scared at that point that he was ready and willing to try anything. But her attempts to get him into treatment were to no avail because there wasn't an available bed to be found in any treatment centers within a 100 mile radius… so he ended up back in a Methadone maintenance program again. Police and medical personnel need to be educated on the fact that addiction is a disease and addicts should be afforded the same respect and decent treatment that they would give to any other suffering patient.

Over the course of his addiction, Matt was on Methadone maintenance a total of three different times and the side effects were worse with each course of treatment. In the fall of 2007 his addiction seemed to escalate and the whole family was involved in seeking help for him. His brother Dave was the one who found a great therapist and managed to talk Matt into seeing him. Together, the therapist and Dave convinced Matt to enter inpatient treatment again. Matt was in a serious relationship with Kelly, a wonderful woman who loved him unconditionally as he did her… so it was especially difficult for him to be away from her for a long period of time. But he realized that their future together depended on his recovery and she supported him in his decision to enter treatment. So in December 2007, he went off Methadone for the last time and entered an excellent inpatient rehabilitation program at Caron Treatment Center in Wernersville, PA. My husband and I also attended a 5-day Family Education Program at the facility where we became enlightened and educated about addiction… something we wish we had experienced years earlier. There were gut-wrenching sessions face to face with Matt where we all were able to get our hurt, anger, frustration, and fears out in the open. We all benefited tremendously from that experience.

When he came out, he joined a program called Rehab After Work and began receiving Vivitrol injections to control the urges. He was heroin free for almost six months but he continued to struggle with cocaine and things were looking bleak for awhile. Then in April, things began to look more hopeful. He and Kelly were making plans to get married, he found a new job he loved and was good at which boosted his morale, he was living in his own apartment, and was once again talking optimistically about the future, staying clean, building a life with Kelly and having children. Despite all the obstacles in his path, Matt remained optimistic about his future. Even at his lowest points, he never gave up on his dreams. He adored children, especially his niece Ava and nephew Mack, and we know he would have made a great father someday if only he had been able to stay clean. But the addiction was so strong and all-consuming that, even when his future was looking brighter than it had in years, he simply could not resist that little voice in his head that whispered to him 'You can do it one more time'. Sadly, this time he overdosed alone in his apartment in the wee hours of the morning. No one was there to call 911 to save him this time. I found him the next day sitting on his couch looking as if he had just dozed off. People tell me they are sorry that I had to be the one to find him, but I feel lucky that I got to spend time with him, holding his hand, touching his beautiful face, and saying goodbye before my husband, son and daughter-in-law arrived. His face was so peaceful that we have the comfort of knowing he didn't suffer. We have learned that overdosing on heroin causes the body to relax so much that the brain literally forgets to tell the lungs to breathe.

His dad Steve and I, his brother Dave, sister-in-law Linda, niece Ava, nephew Mack, fiance Kelly, Aunt Pam, Uncle Dave, Aunt Sue, Uncle Al, cousins Mike, Mark, Shelley, Heather, Denise and Kevin, all the rest of his family and all of his wonderful friends will hold the memory of his smile, his laugh, and his loving nature in our hearts forever and will miss him every day of our lives. We are so proud to have had him for our son. Matt was blessed with such a loving family and a wonderful circle of friends. They were enlightened enough to know that addiction is a disease, not a character flaw. They were a loyal, caring, forgiving group who reached out to Matt and offered much needed support. To this day we are grateful that they continue to offer comfort to our family and are helping to keep his memory alive. On his birthday, his friends gathered in our backyard and planted a tree in his honor.

As his mom I can't help but think that I should have been able to save him and perhaps if I had known then what I know now, I could have. For him to never realize his dreams is so heartbreaking. The sad reality is that science has not yet been able to determine who is predisposed to addiction nor have they been able to discover a cure. Once hooked, the addict faces a battle that they too often lose and even if they "win" they are destined to fight it every day of their lives. Our hope is that, through this foundation, we can broaden awareness, educate others and fund research on addiction so that we can save other young people from ever starting down this terrible road and give them the chance they deserve to fulfill their hopes and dreams.